Contact in Wellbeing

 

This post is a continuation of an idea 💡 that I brought up in this post. Please check it out if you’re interested in the context!

 

Firstly what do we mean by “contact” in the sense of promoting wellbeing and emotional health? Contact deals with our relationships, day to day interactions and people management.

 

It goes without saying that to some degree we rely on others for our wellbeing, for example we rely on positive interactions and others providing us with support. However we need to remember that we cannot control the behaviour of others and therefore we cannot rely solely on them to provide support. We can control our own actions though, which means that sometimes we need to make a choice to respond to others differently or ask for support where our needs haven’t been recognised, be that from a partner, boss, teacher or family member. Asking for help isn’t an indicator of weakness, in fact it shows maturity of thought and problem solving abilities. From a selfish point of view it also helps us to proceed more calmly and fruitfully with our tasks/aspirations.

 

Going back to the thought that we can’t control the behaviour of others, it is also important to note that we can save ourselves emotional drainage in our contact with others by managing our responses more appropriately. An example might be feeling like we are going to “lose it” but using a psychological “stop button” to help us pause and make a conscious descision to respond differently, perhaps by suggesting a compromise. Whilst not always easy, it is amazing how empowered we can feel when we implement this technique.

 

And finally, improving the quality of our contact time with others can drastically improve our wellbeing. Of course we can’t always choose who we interact with, but as a general rule try to spend more time around others who make you feel good and who spread positive emotional contagion. In day to day interactions with others, for example when shopping or walking, try a smile or simple “hello” where you might not normally- again the results can be surprising.  The most important thing is to treat everybody in a way that is true to your values and you will find eventually the world will return your values in its interaction with you. E.g even people who you consider to be in a less fortunate situation than yourself.

 

Thanks for reading and check out my next post where we will consider the impact of straightness on wellbeing! For a clearer picture of where these topics have sprung from, check out my original post.

Suppleness In Wellbeing

Suppleness refers to our physical and mental flexibility and here I hope to explore the role that this has in keeping ourselves happy and healthy. The idea behind suppleness as a theme comes from this post: How a Horse Training Tool Could Help Us Develop Ourselves

 

As we all know, physical suppleness has obvious benefits for the body, including reducing aches and pains and carrying us healthily into our twilight years. Maintaining and practising mobility, however has powerful hidden benefits such as helping us to lower our resting heart rate which in turn through supporting positive changes in the autonomic nervous system leads to a calmer, more relaxed mind.

Whilst most of us are probably relatively familiar with the concept of physical suppleness, the principle of being mentally flexible we are probably less so. And I don’t necessarily mean doing Sudoku puzzles- although I also don’t doubt their power in developing logical and systematic thinking. What I am getting at more is our ability to compromise in order to save our energy- developing the wisdom to choose what is worth fighting for. By learning how to prioritise our battles we save not only energy-which is invaluable- but time also. Saving time can help us reduces our stress levels for obvious reasons- who doesn’t need more minutes in the day!! However even when we do decide something is worth debating, by giving more consideration to the way that we are getting our point across can not only have a positive impact on the response we receive from others but also help us to leave the situation feeling calmer and more able to proceed effectively with our day. This is in contrast to feeling  stressed, anxious and contorted with worry.

It is a phrase as old as the hills but it really is ‘not what you say but the way you say it’ -not just to protect others but ourselves. It’s also worth remembering that we can’t control other people’s behaviour, so why try- simply consider how we respond to them in order to guide the situation positively and save ourselves some stress in the meantime!!

For further posts related to this one please see the original post and Rhythm In Wellbeing.

Rhythm In Wellbeing

 

So this post follows on from my last in which I talked about how an equine (horse) method of training could help us to refine our own personal development (see this post).

 

We start with Rhythm. Rhythm is key to many pleasures in life such as music, dance and sport, but how is it relevant in the sense of personal development and maintenance of wellbeing?

Rhythm is natural to us as humans in feeling secure and grounded. Our physiological self relies on rythym and routine to keep us healthy- consider circadian rhythm, heart rythym and consistency of breathing as examples. This natural inclination to use rythym is ingrained in us as human beings and as a result our mental health benefits from development of consistency and building our organisational skills.

 

Routine and structure in our day can help us build a sense of rhythm and harmony. I’m not suggesting you make your interesting life more boring or cut down on extreme sports etc- some deviation from everyday routine is equally important for our health! However, with some of the more mundane tasks in the day having a routine or a system can help to reduce everyday stress levels which protects our long term health and wellbeing. Everybody has a degree of routine in their lives whether we like it or not (I’m not saying we’re predictable!) but it’s a question of whether we step it up or tone it down depending on how it affects us! Ways in which we can change our rhythm include adding events to our social calendar or taking more time for ourselves.

Rhythm in sport supports balance and balance is another keystone in our health and wellbeing – of course there is the well known work life-balance, and this is an obvious focal point in keeping ourselves sane! Don’t forget, however to consider other areas of balance such as how much time we spend on social media (virtual world vs. real world) a balanced diet and even developing physical balance through enjoying activities and exercise. As this risks sounding a bit “preachy” and getting into “New Year, New You” territory, I’d just like to add that the odd deviation from these things adds to life’s rich tapestry and our sense of adventure!

Please check out my next post tomorrow where we will look at Suppleness! (Eh? Check out my last post to make sense of the theme here!) Many thanks!

How a Horse Training Tool Could Help Us Develop Ourselves

 

In horse training (particularly dressage, you know the one with the “dancing horses”) there is a generally accepted set of principles known as the Scales of Training. It is widely and anecdotally accepted that these were developed by German cavalry leaders over a few hundred years. Today these are debated and sometimes refuted by some modern trainers, but the fact is that they remain and almost cannot be avoided in developing a mentally and physically well balanced equine. It is my belief that this is due to the Scales of Training’s remarkable similarity in structure to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs i.e one layer cannot be formed without the layer below it being firmly in place (think of building a house, you cannot build a roof without first walls and before that sturdy foundations).

Ok, you might think, so what’s your point? How does this help us as people, we are certainly not dancing horses??? So here’s my point- the scales are designed to develop healthy well balanced horses, both physically and  mentally, what’s wrong with taking a little inspiration from these to help ourselves develop in this way as a person?

For those who are unfamiliar with horsey jargon, please find below the six scales of training jargon-busted before we go on to make sense of these from a wellbeing perspective- I have arranged them in order of how they would sit in the pyramid (so the culmination of all the scales is at the top).

(Picture credit to Practical Horseman Magazine online)

Collection- The ultimate picture- the horse can balance itself and harmonise with the rider.

Impulsion- Energy driving the horse forward, creating a “swing” in his movement

Straightness- Optimises balance, suppleness and energy in the journey towards collection

Contact- Positive gentle connection between the horse and rider usually through a metal “bit” in horses mouth)

Suppleness- flexibility over the horse’s back and through his body, this optimises his ability to carry the rider in a balanced manner

Rhythm- The keystone of a balanced horse/rider combination is the development of consistent and even footfalls

Ok, I think it is important to point out that the definitions of these individual scales are at best controversial and everyone has a different interpretation, however I hope that the basic idea behind them has been conveyed in order to continue with the post!  Now that we are all on a level playing field and hopefully with a roughly even understanding, I hope that you will read my next post tomorrow which will pick up the thread of this idea where I have left off today, with the topic of Rhythm.

Or or you might think I have lost the plot which is equally understandable- good night!